Stop Faking It Till You Make It: The Real Truth About Confidence
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to “fake it till you make it”… well, let’s just say I’d be a very rich woman.
And if I’m being honest? I don’t just disagree with that advice — I think it’s harmful.
Because faking it isn’t confidence. It’s performance. And people can smell it a mile away.
Why “fake it” doesn’t work
When you fake it, you’re trying to play a part. You put on a mask, you push down your nerves, and you project an image you think people want to see.
But what actually happens?
- You feel disconnected from yourself.
- Your audience senses something isn’t quite real.
- And instead of confidence, you come across as rehearsed or even a little robotic.
It’s exhausting, and it doesn’t create trust.
So what is confidence?
Here’s the truth: confidence isn’t the absence of nerves. It’s not about having it all together.
Confidence is about clarity and presence.
It’s the decision to show up, even when your heart is racing. It’s knowing your message matters more than your fear. It’s choosing to pause, breathe, and speak anyway.
Some of the most powerful speakers I’ve ever coached still get nervous before they step on stage. But they don’t fake it. They channel it. They let their energy fuel their presence.
My own lesson
For years, I believed the “fake it” advice. I thought I had to hide my nerves, cover up the shakes in my voice, and act like I had it all together.
But the turning point came when I realised: my audience didn’t need me perfect. They needed me present.
The moment I stopped performing and started being real — admitting when I was nervous, sharing stories instead of scripts — people connected with me more. My so-called “weakness” became the thing that made me relatable.
How to build real confidence
Here’s what I teach instead of “fake it till you make it”:
- Clarity – Know the one message you want to leave with your audience. If you’re clear, you don’t need to cover it up.
- Presence – Breathe, pause, and let yourself land in the moment. Presence is more powerful than polish.
- Practice – Not to be perfect, but to feel familiar with your material so you can focus on connection.
Confidence grows with practice, but it’s rooted in authenticity.
The takeaway
Stop faking it. Start showing up — nerves, quirks, voice shakes and all.
Because confidence isn’t about performance. It’s about presence. And when you’re present, people feel it.
And that’s when they trust you.
